Sōseki: Ten Nights' Dreams - The Seventh Dream

(video by l4urz)

I find myself on board an extraordinarily big ship.

The ship steams against the waves emitting black smoke continuously and making a deafening noise. The trouble is, I have no idea where the ship is heading. The sun, reflecting like burning tongs, seems to come from beneath the waves. I see the sun motionless above the tall mast for a time, but in the next moment it passes the big ship and finally disappears again into the depths, sputtering on the water as though the burning tongs had been suddenly dropped there. Each time this happens, blue waves turn blackish-red far beyond and the ship makes a terrible noise in a vain chase after the sun’s traces.

Once I got hold of a crewman on deck. Is this ship heading west?

The man glared at me for a moment. Why? he finally asked.

Because the ship seems to be running after the setting sun, I replied.

The man gave a loud, amused laugh and went off. I heard the strains of a sea shanty:

Is the Sun heading East? It may be, Ho!
Is its home in the West? Don’t ask me, Ho!
It’s a sailor I am and belong to the waves;
My ship is my home and ever I roam,
Sail on, sail on, sail on, Ho!

I came to the forecastle deck and found a crowd of sailors hauling the big jib rope.

I felt completely lost, abandoned. I had no idea when I would be able to get off this ship. I didn’t even know where it was heading. I was only sure the ship was steaming against the waves, emitting its black smoke. The waves were fairly high and looked infinitely blue. The water sometimes turned purple, but white foam was always being blown back in the ship’s wake. I felt completely lost. I thought of jumping into the sea to my death rather than staying on this ship.

There was a lot of company on board. Most people looked foreign, with very different types of features. As the ship pitched in the heavy, cloudy weather, I found a woman leaning against the rail, crying unceasingly. The handkerchief she used to wipe her tears looked white, I saw, but she wore printed Western clothes, probably cotton. When I looked at her I realized that I was not the only one who was sad.

One night when I was alone on deck watching the stars, a foreigner came up and asked me if I knew any astronomy. Here I was almost ready to kill myself as a non-entity. What did I need to know about astronomy? But I kept silent. The foreign man began to tell me about the seven stars over Taurus. He said that the stars and the sea were something God had created. Finally he asked me if I believed in God. I kept silent, looking up at the sky.

Going into the saloon one time, I saw a young woman dressed in flashy clothes. She had her back to me and was playing the piano. Beside her was a tall, fine gentleman singing a song. His mouth looked enormous. Anyway, the man and the woman appeared to be entirely indifferent to every one but each other. They even seemed to have forgotten that they were on a ship.

I found myself getting more and more unhappy. In the end I decided I would kill myself. One night when there was no one about, I ventured to throw myself into the sea, but just as my feet left the deck and my tie with the ship was severed, I wished from the bottom of my heart that I had not done this thing, but it was too late. I had to enter the sea whether I liked it or not. The ship was so tall that although I was physically parted from it, my feet would not touch the water that quickly, but with nothing to hold on to, it was getting closer and closer. However tightly I curled my legs under me, it was useless. The water was black.

The ship passed me, trailing its perpetual black smoke. I realized that it would have been better for me to stay on board even without knowing where the ship was bound, but I was unable to put this new wisdom to any practical use. I feel deep into the black waves quietly, with infinite regret and fear.


(Natsume Sōseki)

My comment:

Have we imagined nonexistent gods, or rather nonexistent time? To fight our loneliness, and despair. To delude ourselves that there is a sense somewhere. Even death cannot fill our emptiness.



(Sōseki)